Sunday, 10 July 2016

Reloading from a previous save.

Sometimes you just have to hit the reset button.

I have had a very difficult year - and in particular, a very difficult 5 or so months. Over the last number of months, I have had nothing but ample time to reflect on the past, the present, and what I want for the future. I always think it is important to take everything we have happen to us as a lesson - good or bad. We have to take all of the hurt, the lies, the betrayal, the loss - and turn it into something good. Otherwise, we end up steeped in bitterness - and while anger has a purpose, it cannot consume us.

Sometime we work through all of those losses, and realize that what suited you before no longer suits you. That you spent all of your time making your spiritual growth about other people, and less about helping yourself grow. I read a piece by Thorn Mooney a few months ago about starting over, and what she said carved right into my heart, though I no longer fill the roles she describes. Sing me the song of my people, Thorn:

" the last couple of months, I’ve realized that practically my entire magical life has come to revolve around other people. I don’t do much for myself these days, beyond reading a book every now and then.
So I’m trying to go back in time a little and revisit those parts of a personal practice that were so important before I took on the roles that I play now. It’s a weird experience finding myself sort of at the beginning again, rebuilding."

 So this weekend, D and I decided to hit reset, strip it down to bare bones, and connect with those pieces of our spiritual life that we built from. I want to capture the whimsy and power of when I first started, but looking at it from new eyes - experience, age, and growth. I think knowing where one came from is as valuable as growing from it - the foundation should always be solid, and if it's damaged, you need to go back and repair and bolster and stabilize.

I tore every book from it's shelf to evaluate it, and cleaned everything. I picked out a few books I started with to reread. I tore down every altar and shrine, cleaned every piece on it, and put everything back with intention, changing as needed or what no longer suited. I broke down my complicated altar to something more basic, incorporating pieces from when I started.

That tile was made for me by my first teacher, 16 years ago. There's a lot of older, handmade stuff on this altar.

I burned natural incense of sage and sweetgrass as offering, lit candles in devotion, and wrote at length of my thoughts, feelings, and hopes. It felt damn good. I am looking forward to a deeper relationship with my gods, with my eyes unclouded and everything simplified.

I think learning to hit reset is a valuable thing - it keeps us always questioning, always learning. There is value in going back to the start. The key is not to always hang out there - stagnation is a creativity killer. Starting from a fresh perspective is great, but always keep moving forwards.

My altar always features a tarot card - something I shuffle and pull every few days to centre me and give me focus. I pulled the Sun, which in this high summer, is exactly what I wanted to see. The Sun is all about optimism, triumph, warmth, and joy. It's the simple pleasures, intellect, and boundless childlike wonder.

I am moving forward out of the darkness. I am leaving the shroud behind me, and rising from these ashes like a phoenix. I am reclaiming my strength, my inner warmth. I am embracing warmth and love. 

I am the Chariot, moving forward, leaving the past in the dust of my wheels.

Truthfully, I was wondering when that Chariot from new years was going to rear it's head. Here it is. With needed direction and momentum.

I welcome this reset with open arms. It is so needed.

And now, for a little East Coast inspiration - in hopes we all rise again.