Friday, 3 June 2016

I have made the required sacrifices, everything comes with a price. I've paid the dead man's price.

How are we, lovelies?

As I mentioned in my last post, things have been very busy lately. Work is always busy. It's great - I love the challenge, and I often feel very satisfied at the end of my day. It's nice to be paid to think for a living - and the pay helps fund all the things I want to do and create!

I mentioned awhile ago that I have had some hectic personal upheaval. It's very true. It's been something to adjust to, but in the end, you find out what's important to you.

Back in February, I found out my mother has a brain tumour. As far as the neurologist knows, it's fairly small and benign, but they are constantly monitoring her. She finds out this week if the tumour has grown (and thus may be an issue) or has remained the same (and likely means the continuing treatment that the last few months has been). She's not worried. I am a little, obviously, (hello, anxiety disorder!) but I mostly feel remarkably calm about everything. Worrying won't fix it. We wait and see what the MRI says, and we make a plan. My mother is a hard egg to crack, she's dogged. I have no doubts she'll pull through.

Around the same time, my grandmother went into the hospital with extremely low blood pressure. Like, 35. She ended up having a pacemaker put in, which has been a literal life saver. She feels so much better, she has more energy, she's much less tired. It's given her another few years, I hope.

Just last week, D's grandmother died. She was 94, and in frail health, but such a lovely and sweet southern British dame. We marvelled at the blessing of having a grandparent into our 30's, and were actually quite relieved that she was no longer suffering. It was very sudden, however, so it's been a bit bumpy. Grief is a strange beast, and emotions don't necessarily make sense. You laugh, you cry, and you remember.

With all of that turmoil - you figure out what really matters. As much as I dislike much of my family, the parts that I am close to, I am very close to. It's important to me to be able to be there and support them as much as I can. Other people's opinions of me are not important, especially lately. The only thing I want to focus on is being the best me I can be. That starts with burying the past, and moving forward.

Moving on.

The other day, D and I decided to walk along the shores of one of the local parks, enjoying the breezy first days of June and sunshine. It was glorious - the park wasn't overcrowded, the waves were crashing on the rocks, and I got the visually feed the need for the horizon.

I think a lot of people who grow up near the shore have a hard time fathoming living anywhere away from the ocean. People near the sea are a different sort of breed, with our skin and hair and eyelashes covered in salty ocean brine, our lungs inhaling foggy nights, our blood the driving rains. We're a hardy, rugged sort of people. East coasters, in particular, are a special breed of resilient. Those of us who have grown up on islands have an even deeper tie to the land and sea, because you learn to respect what isolates you from everything else.

I have a healthy love/hate/respect for the sea. I am drawn to it, but I know it will drown my ass if I step the wrong way.

He looks like a bearded Tintin!

Inviting, no?

Please ignore my punk faery trash look - it was windy!

We also got to see some awesome public art! Someone made an inukshuk, someone else made a weird ceramic church which they nestled into the side of the cliff, and someone else made an incredible ceramic piece with rocks held around it by tension only. It was super awesome.

Now the people will know we were here.

Church for elves?

Just incredible!

There was also this little squirrel, chilling on a rock, eating dandelion heads. He was there when we went in, and again when we came out! Gotta admire his tenacity (and love of dandelion, I suppose)!

We spent about an hour and a half gathering fallen twigs and hag stones.

We grabbed some grub, picked up DPM from work, and went craft shopping. When we got home, I settled into remaking the wards for my home out of wood.

I've wanted to do something a little more tangible for awhile, something a little more aesthetically pleasing. I'm pretty happy with the result. It's essentially a sigil and bindrune for protection and to keep unwanted stuff (and people) out. I usually hang them above all my entrances (along with a few other bits and bobs). I'm pretty pleased with how they turned out!

Now that the weather is warming, I am planning many more excursions out. Next weekend I am off to my island to celebrate my mother's 55th birthday. I am going to try and bribe her to take me to the beach for sand and seawater gathering.

There are hopes of a possible bonfire for midsummer as well, which is coming up soon. We're well on the way to having that planned.

Despite life trying to throw set backs at me, I'm feeling like things are one the way to awesome. I am satisfied with that.