Friday, 10 July 2015

So I'm getting married. It's legit a thing.

So, I realize that I don't talk too much about my home life - that's for a lot of reasons. It really doesn't have any bearing on what I write about. My home life is sort of complicated, and I've been sort of hesitant to talk about it for a number of reasons. I figured that it's been long enough, and I am old enough not to give an actual shit what people think of what I am doing. I realize that were I to talk about my upcoming nuptials without context, people may get confused.

So here is the lowdown.

DPM and I have been together for 17 years. Since high school, actually. We didn't really like each other at first, but as these things go, we grew to like each other, to become good friends, and eventually to have real feelings for one another. He is a beautiful, kind, and intelligent soul with a calm stoicism that I appreciate. He has always had my back, but he is not afraid to tell me when I am doing something stupid or misguided. We moved in together back in 2000, after I graduated high school, and we have been common-law spouses since around 2001 sometime.

We discussed over the years the prospect of getting married, but it never really appealed to us. As we have grown older, we thought about registering a domestic partnership. We had the paperwork printed out, but life has gotten in the way and it got put on the back burner. As we were watching the fight for equal marriage rights unfold in the US, we came to see that a domestic partnership is really not the same rights or privileges as a marriage. So, after 17 years together, we have decided to legally marry in September. It is a courthouse deal with the family, nothing insane, but a nice meal out that night to celebrate with our nearest and dearest friends. Nothing huge, but perfectly us.

Now, I have mentioned before that I am in a different sort of relationship. I have a second partner, D, whom I have been with for 10 years. We started out as friends after I had a rough summer and was on medical leave, and it blossomed into real feelings. He is bright and sunny, goofy and giving, with a heart of gold. We have been talking about our options for a few years - on all government paperwork, he is a single man as we cannot be legal partners or legal spouses. He files as single on his insurance. We do nothing illegal. However, we wanted to celebrate our partnership, so we have decided to plan a handfasting for this summer - purely a spiritual ordeal, no bigamy charges forthcoming. Again, a small and simple affair with a member of our coven officiating and a BBQ afterwards.

Just to clear up some things. It's not:

- a cuckold situation, so don't even go there
- illegal
- easy
- an open relationship
- immoral, as we are all consenting adults
- about sex
- anyone's goddamn business

It is:

- pretty much our choice to do what we want, as 3 consenting adults

We consider ourselves as family unit - we share finances, we go to family events together (and yes, our immediate family knows), we care for and support one another. Our friends are supportive and lovely. We don't even really think about it as a weird dynamic, until someone says something and then we remember that this is not the norm for a lot of people.

Now, you can like this, or you can not. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter to me. I am happy. They are happy (why would they want to marry me otherwise?). In life, it's all about being good people and finding love and happiness where you can. Score 3/3. Judge, or don't judge. The people who know us and love us support us, and that is all that matter to me. Anyone else can just mind their business and go pound sand.

...on the upside, I am getting to do something I never thought I would do, and I get to do it twice in two different ways. How cool is that?